Drinking Heavily

I love drinking.  And I love drinking heavily.  Some may be asking, what is the difference?  Well the fact that you even asked that question makes you a fucking loser.  But I will answer it nonetheless.  Drinking simply entails you putting alcohol int your system regardless of the quantity.  If you drink one beer for a night (loser) then, yes, you drank.  Drinking heavily means trying to literally drown your organs with alcohol until you black out.  Anyone worth a shit who drinks does this.  Any one who just has "a few" for a night is a pussy ass bitch.

Typical Wednesday Night

I drink heavily but I am not an alcoholic.  I am not, poor, trashy, fat or short, so therefore being an alcoholic would be impossible.  I am just a heavy drinker.  A drunkard.  Only worthless pansies/homeless people are alcoholics.  Women love seeing good me drink heavily. Because they know, for one, it will make them look even more attractive to me and two it shows just how fucking dominating I am.  I dominate in everything.  Sports, making money, having high volumes of sex and drinking.  I am fucking awesome and heavy drinking just solidifies this fact.  Anyone who disagrees is a douche bag nerd.

Having Others Do Your Shit

The only reason I had a girlfriend during my junior year of college was because A) She sucked my dick at the snap of the finger and B) She pretty much did all my papers for me.  Sure, I studied and did most of the work myself, but writing papers?  Fuck that.  I have more fun shit to do like getting shit faced, making fun of poor nerds, and cheating on my girlfriend.  I would simply tell her that I needed a paper done, by, I don't know... fucking tommorrow morning.

Me: I need my paper done by tomorrow.  It's for the developmental psychology class.  Bye.
Girlfriend: ...Okay... Where are you go-
Door slammed in her face as I go out to do what I want.

Yes, the paper was done on time and I ended up getting an A on it.  Sure I thanked her.  By ravaging her asshole without asking the next time we fucked.  I am a gentleman like that.  But having my dumb ass bimbo girlfriend do my papers wasn't where it ended for me, nor was it where it started.  I used to get girls and fucking worthless people who wanted to hang out with me in high school to do shit for me all the time.  Whether it was doing my homework, to buying me food and other shit I wanted.  I was the fucking man.  Many of my friends did the same.

Typical loser AKA slave.

You see when you are as privileged as I am people seem to constantly want to do shit for you with the faintest of hopes that you may eventually like them.  Now 99.99% of these people are scum fucks who I would never hang out with, but  you bet your ass I will exploit their labor and emotions.  Just the other day, some loser douche at work named Greg asked if I wanted to go to lunch.  I am not a fag so I said no, but told him "You can pick me up a famous hogie from Mike's with a large cherry coke."  He said okay so enthusiastically you would have thought I just asked him to hang out with me this Friday night.  And yes, he paid.  I haven't talked to him since and won't until the next time I want a free sandwich.

I am a hard worker, but I mean, I need to have my free time as well.  These losers/desperate women were put on this planet for one thing: to do my shit when asked, and do it well and to let me take the credit.

Banging Hot Women

Anything less than this is ugly

If I hear anyone ever say "Men are so hard to figure out" I will violently murder them in front of their family.  Us men love three things and three things only.  Food, getting fucking wasted and banging hot women.  Other interests include sports and money.  The third, is arguably, the most fun.  I fucking love drilling hot women, and all the women I have slain during my first 24 years on this planet have been damn near perfect in every way physically.

If you are a hot woman and are in the same building as me you better believe we will hook up.  I don't know what it is about me.  Maybe it's my good looks.  Perhaps it is my car.  Maybe it is my rolex.  Who the fuck knows.  The point is hot women are constantly throwing themselves at me and I am constantly sticking my dick in them.  It is a win for both sides. 

A hot woman is the easiest to spot.  If you spot a woman and have to debate if she is hot or not, well then she is fucking ugly.  If your girlfriend is ugly you should either dump her instantly or hang yourself.  I suggest a good old fashion murder-suicide so you rid the world of not only her ugliness, but of your retarded ass for dating a deformed elephant.  Hot women are usually tall, blonde, icy blue eyes, with perky tits, great legs, and a tight ass.  If a woman looks different than what was just described than she is ugly as fuck and/or is fat.

Banging hot women is a national past time for us rich, good looking guys.  We love banging them.  We love banging them so much we will fucking cheat on our hot girlfriends to bang a hotter piece of ass.  Because let's face it, no matter how hot you think a girl is there is always a hotter one out there. And we are not going to fucking settle.  That is what women do.  Men go out there and dominate hot pussy.  Hot women know this and love it.  Life is good.

Online College = Retard Magnent

University of Phoenix's 2011 Valedictorian

I attended one of the most prestigious liberal-arts institutions in the country.   All of my closest friends attended the same type of universities, and two attended Ivy League institutions.  That immediately makes us better than anyone who attended a big, public state school, and makes us infinitely better than the fucking retards that chose to go to college using a goddamn internet connection. 

If private universities and Ivy League colleges attract the best of the best, then internet colleges definitely  attract the worst of the worst (left).  At least with a degree from a gigantic state school you can still eek out somewhat of a living.  With a "degree" from an online college you might as well just put a fucking bullet through your brain stem.  Seriously?  Online college.  It is bad enough you are fucking poor as shit, but to flaunt such poverty through the attainment of an online degree is quite the spectacle.

If you attended an online college (ie plopping your fat ass down in front of the monitor wearing nothing but your shit stained underwear) and you do not know you are worthless well you are more fucking retarded than I thought.  The only thing such a degree is good for is acquiring a job that entails you serving me my frys at the local McDonalds, handing me my dry cleaning, and washing my Benz.  You have no one to blame but yourself for being so damn retarded, ugly and poor.  You fuckers with an online degree just got dominated.  But I am sure you losers are used to that.

Offending People

Another bitch DOMINATED

I do not hate everybody.  I only hate people who are beneath me (ie, poor people, fat people, people who don't drive luxury vehicles).  So what do I do about the people I can't stand?  Do I simply ignore them?  Do I just keep my personal opinions to myself when in the company of such retards? Fuck no. I let them have it and let them know they are beneath me by completely offending/dominating them.  If they can't take it and realize that everything I said to them is the absolute truth then they are pussies.

Offending people is great.  Not only is it hiliarious but it lets the "victims" know how pathetic they are.  A couple months ago a couple buddies and I were at a bar.  We were drunk.  There was this group of douche bag nerds at the other end of said bar.  I was pissed because A) Why do they think it is okay to muddy this bar up with their gay ass nerdy ways? And B) They were obviously poor because pretty much all they had was fucking change.  I finished the last sip of my 15th beer and proceeded to walker over to them.  My friends knew what was coming.

Me: What the fuck do you think you're doing?
Nerd 1: What?
Me: Get the fuck out of here.  You are pissing everyone off with your face.  Plus Melissa (bartender) is sick as shit of trying to sort out your change you bum.
Nerd 2: Man, get the fuck outta here.  Asshole.
Me: Fuck you you faggot motherfucker.  Fucking moonface.  I'll fucking Ed Norton curb stomp you.

That was the end of the enlightening conversation.  They got up and left within five minutes.  I fucking dominated their punk asses.  When they left I could see out of the corner of my eye a woman, probably in her mid to late 50s giving me the snide eye.  She obviously was not impressed or turned on by my domination of the nerds which meant only one thing: she was a raging lesbian.

Me: The fuck you looking at lesbo?
Lesbo: Excuse me?
Me: Bitch excuse me!  You fucking dyke

I couldn't tell if she was about to cry or vomit.  Either way it resulted in her leaving the bar.  Again, I dominated a person who was not worthy to even be in the same zip code as me.  If you are around me and are poor, ugly, fat, short, wear terrible clothes, drive a shit car, or are over the age of 35 you better believe I will fucking own you in public.

Dominating The Highway

If I am driving on the highway and you are in the far left lane, doing anything less than 80 MPH, you best believe that I will tailgate your ass until you either change lanes, or I run you into the fucking median.  I am a no no-non sense highway driver.  I fucking settle in the left lane and fucking let it rip.  Fuck cops, they know better than to pull me over, because they know I am the man.  Besides, I need to get where I am going as fast as I possibly can due to the fact that my destination is infinitley more important than whatever shit hole, gay bar you need to get to.  So get the fuck out of my way.

I especially hate truck drivers who choose to drive in the left lane.  Who the fuck do these redneck, junior high drop outs think they are?   Whenever I am behind a big rig I treat my horn like Ike Taylor treated Whitney Houston's face, I pound it.  They get the message and move over to the center lane.  Of course I pull right up next to them, flip them off, mouth "fuck you, you inbred red neck" and speed off, showing off my rear license plate that has the insignia of the private college I attended that they could only dream of getting into.  I am the fucking man on the highway.

Also, if you are a woman, just avoid the highway completely.  Seriously.  Just use the good old fashioned State Routes, or back roads.  There isn't a single woman alive on this planet that is a good driver.  Let alone one that is suited for highway driving.  Women, stay off the highways and stay in the kitchen and bedroom.  In fact the only time a woman should be in a car is when she is giving a hot, sloppy blow job.  Road head.

The highway is designated for worthy people to get to the places they need/want to go.  Not for red neck truck drivers, women, or poor people.  At least stay out of the fucking left lane pussies.

Dealing With The Homeless

When I was in college, there was always this group of three homeless people that would stand outside of the local bar when it closed, and beg for change.  We all fucking hated it because A) We have better things to do like getting more shit housed and getting balls deep in some freshman pussy.  And B) Homeless people are a bunch of dirty ass shits that should be beaten on the spot.

Now, like most civilized people,. when I see homeless people I just want to throw up.  Why are these animals even still trying to live?  All suicide crisis hot lines and centers should have the tag line: DON'T GIVE UP.  YOU ARE LOVED.  UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU ARE HOMELESS.  Huge billboards should be erected advocating for the mass deportation of homeless people in every major city in the United States.  But thanks to pussy ass liberals and hippies, this unfortunately will never happen.

So how can one effectivley deal with the homeless?  Well it's easy.  One, go up to them.  I know this may sound like a repulsive propostition to most, as it should be, but when you arrive in front of the pile of shit simply inform them that "You are obviously poor as shit.  Seriously, go die.  Right now.  No one will miss you."  After that fucking steal his beer he will have with him and all his change.  What is he/she going to do?  Jack shit that's what because they know you are better than them. 

Another strategy is to flash them some money.  A single dollar bill equates to 1.2 Billion dollars on the worthless homeless people monetary scale.  After you do shove it back in your pocket and spit in their face.  This will add insult to injury, but fuck it, you have money and they don't. That is a win in my book.

Other methods of dealing with the homeless are but not confined to: hitting them with your car, taking a dump on their face while they are sleeping out front of the local IGA, and making your dog "sick" them.  It is all gold and if done enough times, you will start to see the numbers of homeless in your particular city dwindle.  Homeless people suck and you should, when the time suits your needs, remind them of this fact.

Fat Girls: How and Why They Must Be Hated

We have all been there.  At a bar, with your friends, having a good time, getting shitfaced.  When you see her.  The fucking hot chick you were out to get.  Tall, blonde, stacked.  Great face to go along with a great ass.  Her dress: low cut and short.  Complimented by her "come fuck me" high heels which, along with her panties, would look great on your bedroom floor.  Then you see that she is with someone.  And you get a queasy feeling in the pit of your stomach.  The fucking bitch is with her fat fuck "friend".

Any guy worth a shit has expeirnced this at least once in their ass getting career.  Trying to land the hot girl, while her fat ass, donkey lipped friend is trying to simultaneously cock block you like it is a goddamn Olympic sport.  Sure, you could always try to get one of your shit hammered friends to play wingman, take the bullet for you while you throw game at the hot one which will lead to hardcore sex.  But you choose the best, and by far, the most entertaining way to take care of this problem.  Ridicule and humuiliate the fatty until she cries and runs away to the nearest all night burger joint to drown her sorrow in cholesterol and trans fat.


This will do two things for you.  One, it will take care of the sperm whale.  And two, it will make you that much more attractive to the chick you are going to bang.  Because lets face it.  The only reason why hot girls have fat friends is to feel better about themselves.  Women are the single most insecure creatures on the planet, and they need constant reassurance that they are hot (even when they are not).  Any guy who has ever been in a relationship with a woman knows exactly what I am talking about.  But when all is said and done fat girls need to be pointed out and laughed at publicly.  They are a disgusting, sweaty mess.  Fat girls somehow think it is okay to look the way they do.  Bull fucking shit.  We, as men, need to take every opportunity presented to us to call out fat girls and make them know that, no, it is not okay to be fat.


How To Guide: Publicly Hating Fat Girls

1. When a fat ass bitch walks by make random animal noises, preferably that of cows and wildabeasts.
 -This will not only put the fat girl in her place immediatley, but will make you king shit wherever you may be.  Other people (hot women included) will say to themselves: "Wow, I am glad someone said something to that walking garbage bag full of pudding."

2. Constantly make fun of her clothing.
-Even fat girls care about their clothing believe it or not.  Fuck that.  There isn't a garment on earth, with the exception of death, that looks good on a heifer.  When you make fun of her clothes in public her self-conscious meter will be off the charts.  She will then run off crying, and contemplate suicide.  Well done sir.

3. Remind them that they suck in life and should either go on diet or die in a car crash.
- Sure making fun and mocking fat girls to their face is a great hobby. But sometimes being just plain truthful is the best course of action to make a fat girl see just how unwanted they really are in society.  Simply just walk up to a fat girl (this could be done in a bar, school or place of work) and say: "You are really fat Miss.  I suggest you either A) go on a massive Holocaust-like starvation diet, or B) Die a horribly painful death.  You suck."

With these three simple methods, you can help rid this nation of ugly, fat girls (one in the same).  Now go out and be a patriot and verbally slaughter some fat bitches.